Step 6: Realize at This Point, You’re Being Paid Millions of Dollars to Exist on This Team With This Gay Person, So You’ll Survive SomehowĪt the absolute worst, this teammate finds you attractive and has a moment of weakness and lets one little glance slip that you catch, and you notice because you’re (of course) already staring at him. But it’s from a place of competition, which is far more acceptable for some reason. Step 5: Do Your Usual Stealth Glances of Other Naked Teammatesīecause straight men size each other up all the time in locker rooms.
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Oh my God, it’s almost as if your teammate is concentrating on getting cleaned up and getting home to his life, just like you were supposed to be before you got preoccupied with checking him out to see if he’s checking you out. Why is he not looking at you? You’re attractive! You work out! Are you not his type? Maybe he’s only into punters. Step 4: Realize at This Point, You’re Looking at Your Gay Teammate More Than He’s Looking at You Step 3: Get Undressedīecause you just spent two hours playing in the mud and dirt and it’s a locker room and you’re an adult and get over yourself and seriously, you have to change out of your uniform. She’s the universal conversation starter. Or talk about the weather! Or Beyoncé! Not because he’s gay, but because everyone, gay straight, male or female, Madagascan village elders or Inuit whale hunters, has something to say about Beyoncé. How’s his family? His partner? Talk about shared interests (Yes! You likely have shared interests with this homosexual human!) If you don’t know what this person likes, ask. Step 2: Acknowledge That He’s HumanĪsk a question about his life. Maybe throw in a high-five or, if that is too uncomfortable for you (it shouldn’t be), give any another indication that you’re happy he’s on your team, even if he plays for a different team off the field. Say “nice game.” Perhaps give him a compliment on a tackle, or a catch, or a great run. So, you know, like ANY OTHER LOCKER ROOM IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND EVER.
#GAY MEN CRUISING LOCKER ROOM HOW TO#
To help you through the next NFL season, here is a handy guide to how to behave in a locker room where a gay man may be present. I know, for instance, any fear you may have to being checked out by a gay teammate is nothing compared to the constant fear a closeted athlete has of being discovered/ridiculed/punched in the face by a bigoted teammate. The minute chance of a split-second side eye glance from another man who may, in his private life, be naked with his boyfriend, is clearly far more stressful.īut have no fear! I was a closeted gay athlete in high school (a defensive lineman like Michael Sam!), so I know a thing or two about navigating a locker room. Not a 300-pound mountain of muscle chasing you down, not a cataclysmic spinal injury, not the constant threat of brain damage.
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OH MY GOD WHAT IF HE LOOKS AT YOUR JUNK?!Ĭlearly, this is the most terrifying thing a modern-day gladiator like yourself faces at your job. I know you’re concerned about the upcoming season now that Michael Sam, the star defensive lineman from Mizzou who’s a top NFL prospect, just came out as gay. Elite athlete making millions of dollars playing football for the NFL. How to Behave Around Your Gay Teammate in the Locker Room